Jews & Siblings

Having a sibling can be exhilarating, stabilizing, exhausting. People with siblings often experience complex and intense feelings toward their brothers and sisters: expectation and anxiety, joy and anger, gratitude and frustration. The Jewish tradition is deeply aware of this complexity.

-MyJewishLearning

The earliest and most famous Jewish siblings:

• Kayin (Cain) & Havel (Abel) - the first listed siblings in Torah, and also the earliest sibling rivalry 

• Yitzhak (Isaac) & Ishmael - Abraham's sons were half-brothers, and despite being pitted against each other for their father's attentions they end up burying him together.

• Ya'akov (Jacob) & Esav (Esau) - Ya'akov stole Esav's blessing and inheritance, then fled to avoid retribution. When they met again years later, Esav forgave Ya'akov.

• Leah & Rakhel (Rachel) - sisters who both married Ya'akov and battled jealously through years of child-rearing.

• Children of Ya'akov - Ya'akov had 13 named children in Torah, and his sons became the 12 tribes of Israel. Yosef (Joseph) was the second-youngest, and initially hated by his brothers and sold into slavery. Ya'akov's only daughter, Dinah, inspires her brothers to avenge her.

• Moshe, Miryam, & Aron - perhaps the happiest siblings in Torah, these three worked together to free the Israelites from Egypt and lead them to the promised land.

"The root of human conflict is sibling rivalry: Cain and Abel, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau, and now Joseph and his brothers. Joseph has the misfortune of being the youngest. He symbolises the Jewish condition. His brothers are older and stronger than he is. They resent his presence. They see him as a trouble maker. The fact that their father loves him only makes them angrier and more resentful. They want to kill him. In the end they get rid of him in a way that allows them to feel a little less guilty. They concoct a story that they tell their father, and they settle down to life again. They can relax. There is no Joseph to disturb their peace any more.

And now they are facing a stranger in a strange land and it simply does not occur to them that this man may be Joseph. As far as they are concerned, there is no Joseph. They don’t recognise him now. They never did. They never recognised him as one of them, as their father’s child, as their brother with an identity of his own and a right to be himself."

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, Commentary on Parshat Mikketz (5771)

Miryam stands guard while her baby brother (soon-to-be-named Moshe) floats in the Nile, bringing him to a “Hebrew wet nurse” (AKA her mother) when the daughter of Pharaoh wishes to adopt him. When Moshe is chosen by G!d to be Israel’s savior, and begs G!d to choose someone else instead, it is Aron who comes to greet him, “happy in his heart” (Exodus 4:14), seemingly comfortable playing as Moshe’s spokesperson, not showing a smidgen of jealousy towards his younger brother’s prestige...

The Hebrew word for sibling is "      "This happens to be the same word for hearth, or fireplace. Fire can be destructive, like the hate one can feel towards peers and siblings. It’s no coincidence that the Torah chooses this word - rather than the word “fellow” or “neighbor” - when instructing us "Do not hate your brother in your heart" (Lev 19:17). But fire can also be life-giving. When siblinghood works, it can be as nurturing as a warm fireplace, illuminating and enlightening life, and allowing for multiple leadership roles in a single family. This happens when all parties involved are humble, lowly like the hearth. The hearth, where the ashes are collected, reminiscent of Avraham’s expression. "I am but dust and ashes" (Gen 18:27).

By Rabbanit Yael Smooha

The rabbinic tradition, which translates so much of the biblical heritage into specific laws, offers surprisingly little guidance for navigating the tensions of sibling relationships. Virtually no obligations are imposed on siblings to care for one another. 

-MyJewishLearning

“One who loves [i.e., befriends] another is joined up with his beloved in good times and bad times. This is part and parcel of loving: that one does not abandon one’s beloved in time of trouble … He will rejoice when [his friend] does well and assist him when things go badly. While a brother won’t be impelled to be joined with his brother in good times, in bad times [for his brother] he will come to his aid, for he is his own flesh and blood.”

-Rabbi Levi ben Gershon, a 14th century Provençal Jewish thinker 

• https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/sibling-relationships/ 

• https://www.sefaria.org/sheets/342052.20?lang=bi&lookup=%D7%90%D7%97&with=Lexicon&lang2=en